1. Send my cat to an eating disorder clinic for her bulemia.
At the end of May, Katya spiraled into self-destruction and had to be treated by the vet for damage to her esophagus resulting from sticking her claw down her throat. We turned to professional help and ended up being featured on an episode of the TV show Intervention. At that time, Katya agreed to rehab. She spent eight weeks at the Idaho Center for Feline Regurgitation and seemed to be getting better, but she had a relapse in October that required another rehab stint. Since then, she has earned a coin for being barf-free for one month and has gained 6 ounces. We have hope that she will continue her recovery.
2. Write another blog entry that becomes as successful as Top Ten Reasons for Becoming an Artist. Maybe I should write one called Top Ten Reasons for NOT Becoming an Artist, but I don't think it would deter anyone from becoming one. Lack of money usually does that after a few years anyway.
A couple of my posts have become quite popular. They are How I make my fiber sculptures and How I make my quilts 3D. Why I wrote those posts, I have no idea. After all, I'm just teaching other people how to be my competition. I really must have my head examined.
3. Finally get an entry accepted into Quilt National, damn it.
4. Transform my body into Carmen Electra's, but without her taste in husbands.
What can I say? Personal trainers take one look at me and run away in horror.
5. Add a couple of rooms to my studio, including a wet studio for painting and dyeing, plus a large, climate-controlled storage room for the finished work that's piling up. However, adding extra rooms might be a problem since my studio is in the basement. Maybe I could dig a secret tunnel through the wall using a sharpened spoon and carve out a few underground caverns.
To save some digging, I created a small tunnel over to the neighbor's basement and have secretly occupied their laundry room. My husband created a false wall to fool them into thinking that they only have two rooms down there, not three. Their clothes are getting a little stinky, though.
6. Take down all the traditional quilts displayed in my house. I made them almost 15 years ago, when I first started quilting. I think I can do better now. I've just been too lazy to make something to replace them.
Um, is it the end of the year yet? Do I still have time to do this?
7. Reconnect with all the people I should have sent replies to months and months ago. Yes, I dropped off the face of the earth, but that's no excuse not to send a friendly email every now and then from my current location, wherever that is.
I have a few people who I owe emails, but for the most part, I've caught up.
8. Get dressed earlier in the day.
9. Be discovered by a Big Name gallery owner or museum curator. I want to be the hottest ticket on the block, right after Jeff Koons and Grandma Moses. Offers for solo shows will rain down upon my shoulders and I will need to hire several cute young men to assist me with my paperwork. My work will sell for millions of dollars.
Every bit of this happened exactly the way I planned and it was done by June. At that time, I revised this goal to include being Master of the Art World. I'm now up to five young male assistants and I'm not really sure how much paperwork several of them actually do.
10. Did I mention Carmen Elektra's figure? Change that to Halle Berry's. Same caveat about the husbands, though.
Did you know that "quilting" is also known as "reverse aerobics"?